The rest of the story

This is a continuation of the last two posts....I'll pick up in 11th grade.

Alex lost one of his very best friends in a car accident just about a month after diagnosis. It definitely rocked our little world. I will talk more on his coping another time. His grades from that quarter were awful, but we had an IEP finally. They gave him a word processor (he never used), frequent teacher follow through and communication with me. Some of his grades, like English, were the best ever and others, like Spanish...he barely passed.

Life was rocky at home to. I was relieved to finally have a diagnosis. Now, I could finally quit blaming myself for not "raising him right". My husband, his step-dad, I don't think bought into it though. He seemed to feel like it was just an excuse that Alex was using to get away with being whiny and lazy. Junior year went by quickly, and summer...with no car or license...and being gone to his dad's part of the time...didn't make sense for him to try and get a job. I knew he couldn't balance working and High School. He took his ACT in the spring of his junior year and got a 20 the first time. He admitted he didn't even do the reading section...1/4th of the test because his friends had told him it was "hard"...and he ran to see us in a wrestling tournament in the same building as the test and got back late and was short of time. He took it again over the summer and got a 25...whew. That was the magic number we needed.

Alex picked out his college, Spring of his junior year. Ok...so I picked out his college and he said "fine". It is a small private college, where class sizes are anywhere from 5-30 people and the graduating class is about 250/year. A much smaller school than the mega-High School he had gone to. He love the campus tour...and the fact that part of the campus was underground and had caves that "smelled right" to him. He liked the dorm rooms and the plan was for him to live on campus. He intially was going for a psychology major, but has since changed to Elementary Education.

Senior year was rough. First semester seemed to go ok. His grades were adequate. Second semester, he got a bit of senioritis. For the first time, he had two guy friends he would go walk around the mall with or hang out with. They both had cars, so he was beginning to see that getting a license was a good thing. He got his learners permit. We took him on a cruise for spring break for his senior trip. Just him! We left the two younger boys at home because they weren't an adult yet. He turned 18 and got a tattoo. (Which he payed for with his birthday and grade money!) I thought things were finally going his way, until the car ride to Texas...when he finally admitted that he had not done the 6-8 page paper that was due in English while we were gone and would be flunking English (which is, of course, required for graduation!) He also didn't take his pill that morning....so a lot of arguing and yelling happened (mostly by me) in that 10 hours of being locked up in a car together. I threatened to send him to his dad if he didn't graduate....his dad threatened him, via phone, and told him he would not be welcome there. We found a computer at the hotel in Texas and he whipped out an 8 page paper in about 3 hours, complete with sources. I don't remember what it was about but it was decent. Off on vacation we go! We come home to an F on the paper anyway. His teacher wrote that it was a really good rough draft, and had it been turned in as such, she could have helped him over the three revisions to make it a potentially A paper...but it was only a first draft...grr! So, here he is in March failing English...and numerically not enough points in the rest of the year to bring it up. Well, low and behold, a new assignment comes up (apparently my son was not the only kid in the class in that situation and it doesn't look good for a school to fail a bunch of AP/honors English Lit kids). The teacher was nice enough to meet Alex every day and help him get it right....and I reminded him every day to go. He got an A on that assignment! Go figure, I think the teacher basically wrote it for him. 3 days before he is due to walk across the stage, we find out he is indeed graduating.

After graduation, he was to start looking for a job....and take drivers ed and start driving. We have lots of places in walking distance he could apply at and way more in biking distance. He would say he was going and applying, but unfortunately, his dad gave him a laptop for graduation and we all know what happens when a spectrum kid gets a new electronic toy! Finally, his dad decides in mid-June to have him come stay with him for 6 weeks to quote...and I really quote..."Teach him all the things that he needs to know to be a man that my husband and I failed to do for the last 18 years". Of the three weeks he was there without his little brother, his dad was away on vacation for 2. Yep, son, that's how you be a real man...you dump your responsibilities on other people. Alex came home in early August...having earned $700 for doing jobs for his dad, like laundry and dishes and yard work. I had thought his dad had found him a summer job on the campus where he worked or I am not sure I would have let him go.

August was a blur. Alex passed his driving test on the first attempt and we bought him a car. He packed up his stuff to move to the dorm. (we had already moved his brother into his room). I helped him find a job at a local restaurant that my co-workers daughter worked at. He was all payed up for college, and even managed to keep his scholarship for half of his tuition. We went to the parent meeting and dropped his stuff off. We went to buy books...I told him where to go to finish his student loan paperwork and sign up for a mentor, and he said he would the next day. The parents were escorted off campus and told to leave our baby birds in good hands!  Alex almost instantly bonded with some of the kids in his room and hall. He was doing well at work and liked all but one of his classes. They were "easy" he said compared to his HS courses. (NO ENGLISH...lol) He was going to help with the play. He planned to come home every weekend to eat but that fell through because he was so busy.

December, I found out it was all lies. I called him at the start of finals week and said, "You know they will mail me your grades, so you had better tell me the truth". He broke down and had a 4 hour session where he admitted to my husband, and not to me, that he was suicidal. He had been kicked out of all but 2 classes, and one of those he had failed. He got a B in theatre though...apparently that was the only class he still attempted to attend. He had been fired from his job over a month ago. He would just sit in his dorm room all day. His friends and the RA's had no idea. We got him in to the psychiatrist, but she felt it was just because of the situation and opted not to hospitalize him. We met with Jeannie, the AS specialist, who reassured me that worse things have happened...and even NT kiddos flunk out their freshman year. We met with the school, and figured out he would be allowed to enroll again. I went with him to sign up for a school mentor, which he should have had all along. She meets with him weekly to set his schedule and will monitor his attendance and grade and call me if there are issue. He isn't thrilled with the classes this semester, but since he didn't register till the last minute there weren't any choices. The guy next door has been mentoring him since early this month on job training skills and interview skills and had gone with him to apply at over 20 jobs but he still hasn't found one. I finally took his computer away, until he gets a job, unless he needs it for school. He has been working hard around the house and dipped into all of his Christmas money to pay for gas. He has perfect attendance at school...but it is just week three. He is spending some time with his friends, some time looking for a job, some time doing homework (supposedly) and some time at home...a good balance!

So...we are up to day....onward and upward....