"ANGELS AMONG US"

To quote the Alabama song:

I was walking home from school on a cold winter day.
Took a shortcut through the woods, and I lost my way.
It was getting late, and I was scared and alone.
But then a kind old man took my hand and led me home.
Mama couldn't see him, but he was standing there.
And I knew in my heart, he was the answer to my prayers.

Oh I believe there are angels among us.
Sent down to us from somewhere up above.
They come to you and me in our darkest hours.
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.
To guide us with the light of love.

When life held troubled times, and had me down on my knees.
There's always been someone there to come along and comfort me.
A kind word from a stranger, to lend a helping hand.
A phone call from a friend, just to say I understand.

And ain't it kind of funny that at the dark end of the road.
Someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope.
They wear so many faces; show up in the strangest places.
To grace us with their mercy, in our time of need.

Oh I believe there are angels among us.
Sent down to us from somewhere up above.
They come to you and me in our darkest hours.
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.
To guide us with the light of love.

To guide us with the light of love.

In my 18 years with my son with Asperger's Syndrome, he has been blessed to encounter so many "angels". I know he has a grandmother and great-grandparents in heaven looking down on him...but these are real life people, usually peers, who have taken him by the hand and helped him along his path. 

As background, I am a Pediatrician. If any mom should have known what was different about her son, it should have been me! MY special interest was ADHD and the spectrum! So, why in the world did it take so long (16 years) to get my son a diagnosis? Maybe I was in denial....maybe I just adapted and "lucked into" the activities that would help him gain the skills he needed to learn? Being a single mom, with a very sensitive and gifted younger brother....we all just kind of managed and worked around things without even realizing they were an issue. I believed the specialist that said he was the worst case of non-comorbid ADHD they had ever seen. I believed when they said he was a high metabolizer...and that is why his meds were double the FDA recommendations and still not fixing his quirks. After all, he couldn't tie he shoes in 5th grade, but he was reading and adding and subtracting before Kindergarten. He couldn't write legibly until High School....or spell EVER....but was in the 98th percentile on all of his standardized testing....I could go on and on, but this isn't about him really! I really credit the fact that we did so well without OT/PT/ABA/Behavior Mod/therapy of the day because of the "angels" that were placed in his life to allow him a bridge to the outside world.

We will start with infancy. He lucked into a spot at the daycare just blocks from our house. One of the workers...I honestly forget her name...but her daughter's name was Sydney. He started there at 4 months old and they really clicked in the 1-2 year old room (where they put him at 9 months even though he didn't walk till 15-16 mon) She was almost a year older and really loved to play with him. He would even talk about Sydney every once in awhile, and according to Sydney's mom, she talked about him all the time! They kept moving him up as quickly as she did...his language skills were impressive despite poor gross and fine motor skills (but the specialist said that was because he was a "big baby" and had poor tone and besides "not everyone can be good at everything"). He was in the 2-3 yo room just after he was walking well (18 mon) and moved to the 4 yo room before his 3rd birthday. He was still in diapers in the 4 yr room...but Sydney's mom didn't mind and Sydney was happy...so he was happy...so I was happy...and we didn't know there were any problems. (As an aside, about 2 years ago, in my practice, I met a lady who was there with a friend...she asked if I had a son named "A" that had gone to that specific preschool 13 years ago!) Yep....they never forgot him either!

We moved to the south when he was 3 1/2 years old. By then he was very busy and active, and got kicked out of his first preschool within a month and told by a child, "You are going to go to jail, and be on the news with handcuffs on your hands and feet." The teachers there acted like my child had never been taught manners or how to behave. I couldn't believe what they were saying...In hind site, it was a very loud chaotic place and not the structure he was used to and the noise and activity was likely due to sensory overloading. We put him in the most structured and expensive preschools the "big city" had to offer (read "more than community college tuition'), but again we were in a good place. I moved him to the local private school when he hit Kindergarten...mostly due to cost and to have him closer to me. I guess I didn't do my research and had no idea I was paying people with High School diplomas to teach my child. His Kindergarten teacher tried to kick him out because he didn't know his vowels and couldn't write in cursive...and we wound up with a diagnosis of ADHD. It helped some...and he excelled in some areas....like setting a new record for cheating on a test in 1st grade! By third grade, I came head to head with a teacher who I later found out told him he wasn't as smart as the other kids and would never do well in life? What kind of Disney evil caricature of a teacher would ever tell a child that? Out of that school, and into the public school world!

His next combination of "angels" appeared in 4th grade, in the guise of Mrs. H and another Sydney. (I don't know...maybe deep down he thought they were the same person?)  Mrs. H did her evaluation and instantly recommended him for the gifted program and had the brilliant idea to pair the cutest, sweetest girl in the class to be his "helper". This child checked his agenda daily, helped him clean out his desk, and made sure his assignments were turned in. When he took a spelling test and Mrs. H couldn't read one of his words, she would quietly call him up to the desk and ask what the word was and how to spell it....and give him full credit. He blossomed that year and for the first time thought of school as a fun place to learn and succeed. Sydney followed him all the way through 5th grade, and did it all on her own the next year.

The one place he found success was community theater. We went to see a kids play when he was 5 and he promptly told me..."I want to do that!" We auditioned the next year, and boy did my loud boy with good reading skills shine! I've never heard a director tell my child to speak louder! They can hear him all the way in the back row! Right next to him at first rehearsal sat another "angel". Kristen was only a few weeks older and went to a different school. Her soon to be step-dad was the director and her mom was a nurse at the local hospital...so she and I bonded at rehearsals. Of course, she had ADHD and a few quirks of her own and was misunderstood as well. The two seemed to bond instantly. They were in all the plays together, and because their mom's started to have play dates...they started calling each other cousins. We even went on family vacations together. She would never let him know if he annoyed her, and even when she was in one of her mood's..he'd say..."it's no big deal...it's just Kristen." My heart was so glad when the two were accepted together into a very small middle school theatre focus program. He left Sydney, but now he and Kristen were together every day. I think those three years were the happiest and most successful he's ever had in school. She was the bridge, in the community theatre program, in school, and even on vacations...between he and the rest of the world. At an age when he was at risk to withdraw...she kept him in the moment and in society. She didn't mind his special interests, but put him in his place when he was dominating....and HE LISTENED TO HER! My favorite picture is the two of them with his baby brother walking with arms around each other on the way to the car at a rest stop on a car trip. They would sing show tunes and quote Broadway, mixed with Munchikin card game characters.

Freshman year, they drifted apart. They were both in the High School version of the same arts program, but she was a cheerleader and more popular, and he was a "nerd" and in all honors classes. They only saw each other at lunch (eaten with the drama teacher in his room...with all the theatre kids) and in drama class. In her place, stepped Micah. Micah filled the void he needed easing transition to the more challenging course work of High School. She was in a lot of his classes (there were limited honors classes in this community) and she thought he was funny and smart and the best listener and advice-giver she had ever met and he thought the world revolved around her. She would take on anybody...even her boyfriend, if they teased him. 

Some days, I wish the story ended there....he was set, accepted and successful with grades and social network...but I had gotten married again that year, he had a new step-brother the same age as his younger brother that I adopted, and we moved 16 hours away....to a new school. A HUGE school (5-6000 kids). There were so many opportunities. Too many opportunities....too many crowds, too loud a hallways...looking back, I wish I could take a mulligan on that decision. My excuse was I didn't know....within a year I was about to find out!

I would love to say he found an angel in High School...but he didn't and we all suffered through. I was told he had friends at school, but I never saw or heard of them....except Matthew and Caleb at the tail end of his senior year. We did find an 'angel' in Jeannie. She was a psychologist specializing in Asperger's that we were referred to right after diagnosis at the beginning of his Junior year. We drove 45 min and had to pay cash, but finally there was someone who "got" my son from the first 5 minutes. She answered all his questions and has been there for us through every up and down. When he has a crisis....somehow, her saying the same thing his step-dad and I said, suddenly makes sense to him and that problem goes poof! Of course, one comes up right behind it. A few months into his Junior year and just after diagnosis, we learned that Kristen was in a car accident and died several days later. Now one of his "angels" really was watching him from heaven. We were able to go home for the funeral, where his theatre group and especially Micah was there for him. He was a rock for his little brother who just about worshiped her! (that would be a whole other post!)

Through Jeannie, we met Dale...the drivers ed teacher who was a retired special ed High School teacher and specialized in teaching "spectrum" kids how to drive. He didn't drive till last May...but no wrecks or tickets...knock on wood. He still had Micah...thanks to the Internet. 

He graduated by the skin of his teeth, and went to an amazing college. Park University is a small college 15 min away with very small class sizes. He moved into the dorm and the very first day met...you guessed it, another angel! Ashley is another super cute girl (they all are actually!). She lived in the room next door and has the exact same major, Elem Ed. There was too much change and freedom for him to be successful that first semester....I know that now. Even Jeannie, was amazed at the social life. By Labor Day, he was headed to the lake with a group of 8 cool Freshman, who all think his quirkiness is just right. He is their go to guy for deep talks in the middle of the night! He got a B in theatre (his minor)....and made a ton of friends...so in the end I think we can call it a success. He also learned that he needs help! In step a few more educator "angels". The college helped him find a staff mentor, who meets with him weekly and checks his attendance and grades this semester and can help him talk to professors...and she even gives him a calender they fill out together hour by hour with study time, class time, friend time, and job search time...even CHORES now that he moved back home. Our next door neighbor is a retired principle who has taken a special interest in him. Dave has been meeting with him several times a week to help him organize his time and find a job. He has taken him to apply at over 20 places and we feel confident that he will be part of the working world too. Dave has his class schedule and will check outside and call him if he hasn't left for class in time!! Ashley is in two of his 5 classes and they have study groups set up, and she is even taking him to a Bible Study once a week with her boyfriend and some other kids. He makes plans with Matthew, from High School, and Ashley and his old roommates from the dorm. He is driving and will hopefully be working soon...and he vacuumed the basement and did 2 loads of MY laundry yesterday...along with packing up most of the Christmas stuff to offset room and board. 

So, I thank God for the angels among us!