Alex has been to college. Although he didn't do well academically, he excelled socially. Part of that experience included alcohol. I personally drank in college...as did almost everyone I know.
In my family, my grandparents never thought it was right that you could die for your country at 18 but not drink a beer to celebrate 4th of July. There was zero tolerance for drinking and driving...but my grandma would go to the store to help me buy a 6 pack of wine coolers for drinking with the family on vacation at the lake and I, in turn, helped my younger cousins. No one over drank, we were all surrounded by family who cared about us and didn't want to see us sick the next day. Appropriate use of alcohol was modeled for me. Graduating from High School was sort of a right of passage and deemed an acceptable "drinking age". His first drink was actually in Mexico with his step-dad and I and my two aunts at a bar where he was legal drinking age.
Alex meets all those criteria, but is now living at home at 19. He admits to being "drunk" once in college and not liking it. He said, "It is hard enough to control my brain without mood altering substances." Recently, he has begun to express interest in drinking. In the state we live in, my own child can drink in my own house, as long as I am present...and it is not illegal.
Before I get crucified...let me clarify. I will NOT risk my profession by allowing any other child besides mine to drink in my home. My liquor cabinets have locks and the keys travel with us if we go out of town. We have great neighbors who keep an eye on the house while we are at work. I do not support underage partying.
Alex, however, will be a legal to buy and drink adult in 18 months. We have made the decision to allow him to drink with the following rules:
1. We must be present in the house and awake.
2. He must be open with the beverage and drink it around us...no going to his room.
3. No drinking at all if any friend is in the house.
So, we have now had the experience of sitting on the couch, watching TV while my son drinks a Mike's Hard Lemonade. So far, he has only had one and then gives up and decides socializing with his friends on the internet is way more exciting that having a drink with his parents. I keep all beverages locked up and he has to ask permission to get one. He has yet to get out of control or intoxicated.
It just feels weird having an almost "adult" child!
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Sunday, June 22, 2014
My take on the Measles outbreak
I have a baby girl in the hospital who has never seen her mom or dad's face. She has never been kissed by her parents. She has yet to meet her big brother and sister. She is perfectly healthy right now......but who knows how long that will last. She is an unfortunate victim of the recent Measles outbreak in my community.
Her mom decided to take her 18 month old big sister to an urgent care with a bad diaper rash. She wanted to make sure the rash was treated before she went into labor....and she was due any day. The next day, she received a phone call from the hospital affiliated with the urgent care that informed her that she and her two children were exposed to Measles by another child who came in at the same time. She took her 3 year old and 18 month old to get a second measles booster...as recommended by the infectious disease expert....but with her due date just days away it was too late for her to get the vaccine again.
She was placed in isolation with a mask the minute she hit the door in labor. I have been in labor can only imagine the stress of contractions and delivery while wearing a face mask. No one has been allowed to visit her but her husband. Her children are not even allowed in the waiting room. No grandparents can visit and nurses have to follow strict isolation precautions to prevent the spread of the disease to other families.
Compound that with the fact that she isn't sure when or if the baby will get Measles. If mom gets the disease or one of the siblings....then the baby will likely get it as well and it could be life threatening in a newborn.
This is a family who believes in vaccines and has their children fully vaccinated, and rely on "herd immunity" to protect their precious baby girl.....but "herd immunity" has been weakened by families who choose not to vaccinate.
In our community, the first patient with Measles was a baby less than a year old who traveled with family out of the country. That child was exposed just days prior to flying home and broke out here. All 16 confirmed cases in the last few weeks have been linked back to contact with that first baby. Although that child was vaccinated, he/she was too young to get a Measles vaccine. Subsequent cases have been in children who's parents decided not to vaccinate.
In my opinion, the parents who opted not to vaccinate are responsible for my patient having not met her siblings, and not seen her mommy and daddy's faces, or been kissed. Those anti-vaccine parents are responsible for the spread of disease to children who cannot be vaccinated due to age or other health issues. 1 in 1,000 children who get Measles die. Our grandparents knew this.
When vaccines were first invented and used, parents would line up and wait hours for the chance to get their child protected. They had seen first hand the risks of the diseases, the deaths, the disabilities. Everyone knew someone or some family that had lost a child to Measles, or Polio, or Chicken Pox. They had seen children with permanent hearing loss as a result of meningitis. They didn't want their child to suffer. They knew the odds....1 in 1 million are at risk from the vaccine...but 1 in 1,000 die from Measles. That was a risk they were willing to take. Parents who are choosing not to vaccinate now have never known anyone with the illnesses we vaccinate for...BECAUSE vaccines WORK! I have watched a healthy 8 year old girl die from Chicken Pox and countless children die from Meningitis.
There is a REASON pediatricians vaccinate our children and it sure the HELL isn't that we are brainwashed by the "vaccine companies". We have seen first hand the danger in these diseases and want to make sure our children are protected. Would I willing choose to give my own precious baby something that would likely harm them....absolutely not! Are there children who have had an adverse issue with a vaccine...yes...but it is a very small number when compared to the people who had devastating adverse issues with the disease itself. I agree with my grandma. It's a risk I am willing to take! I'll stand in line if I have to....I want my child protected!
For more information on Measles....see the link below.
http://www.cdc.gov/measles/about/overview.html
http://www.cdc.gov/measles/about/photos.html
If you are planning to travel outside the country....see this link.
http://www.cdc.gov/measles/travelers.html
What to do if you are exposed to Measles.
http://www.cdc.gov/measles/hcp/index.html
Her mom decided to take her 18 month old big sister to an urgent care with a bad diaper rash. She wanted to make sure the rash was treated before she went into labor....and she was due any day. The next day, she received a phone call from the hospital affiliated with the urgent care that informed her that she and her two children were exposed to Measles by another child who came in at the same time. She took her 3 year old and 18 month old to get a second measles booster...as recommended by the infectious disease expert....but with her due date just days away it was too late for her to get the vaccine again.
She was placed in isolation with a mask the minute she hit the door in labor. I have been in labor can only imagine the stress of contractions and delivery while wearing a face mask. No one has been allowed to visit her but her husband. Her children are not even allowed in the waiting room. No grandparents can visit and nurses have to follow strict isolation precautions to prevent the spread of the disease to other families.
Compound that with the fact that she isn't sure when or if the baby will get Measles. If mom gets the disease or one of the siblings....then the baby will likely get it as well and it could be life threatening in a newborn.
This is a family who believes in vaccines and has their children fully vaccinated, and rely on "herd immunity" to protect their precious baby girl.....but "herd immunity" has been weakened by families who choose not to vaccinate.
In our community, the first patient with Measles was a baby less than a year old who traveled with family out of the country. That child was exposed just days prior to flying home and broke out here. All 16 confirmed cases in the last few weeks have been linked back to contact with that first baby. Although that child was vaccinated, he/she was too young to get a Measles vaccine. Subsequent cases have been in children who's parents decided not to vaccinate.
In my opinion, the parents who opted not to vaccinate are responsible for my patient having not met her siblings, and not seen her mommy and daddy's faces, or been kissed. Those anti-vaccine parents are responsible for the spread of disease to children who cannot be vaccinated due to age or other health issues. 1 in 1,000 children who get Measles die. Our grandparents knew this.
When vaccines were first invented and used, parents would line up and wait hours for the chance to get their child protected. They had seen first hand the risks of the diseases, the deaths, the disabilities. Everyone knew someone or some family that had lost a child to Measles, or Polio, or Chicken Pox. They had seen children with permanent hearing loss as a result of meningitis. They didn't want their child to suffer. They knew the odds....1 in 1 million are at risk from the vaccine...but 1 in 1,000 die from Measles. That was a risk they were willing to take. Parents who are choosing not to vaccinate now have never known anyone with the illnesses we vaccinate for...BECAUSE vaccines WORK! I have watched a healthy 8 year old girl die from Chicken Pox and countless children die from Meningitis.
There is a REASON pediatricians vaccinate our children and it sure the HELL isn't that we are brainwashed by the "vaccine companies". We have seen first hand the danger in these diseases and want to make sure our children are protected. Would I willing choose to give my own precious baby something that would likely harm them....absolutely not! Are there children who have had an adverse issue with a vaccine...yes...but it is a very small number when compared to the people who had devastating adverse issues with the disease itself. I agree with my grandma. It's a risk I am willing to take! I'll stand in line if I have to....I want my child protected!
For more information on Measles....see the link below.
http://www.cdc.gov/measles/about/overview.html
http://www.cdc.gov/measles/about/photos.html
If you are planning to travel outside the country....see this link.
http://www.cdc.gov/measles/travelers.html
What to do if you are exposed to Measles.
http://www.cdc.gov/measles/hcp/index.html
Thursday, June 19, 2014
The View From Your Doctors Eyes....
I am your child's pediatrician. I am also a mom. I know what it is like to hold your newborn in your arms...and now I am watching you with your new beautiful boy or girl. Yes, I admit...some babies are cuter than others....if I tell you your baby is the cutest one in the nursery...I mean it. I will always look for something to compliment. Every baby is special and unique and they need to be told that from the beginning. I watch you learn how to change a diaper and struggle with nursing. I hug you when breast feeding isn't working and convince you that those people that say your baby won't grow or develop well on formula are lying. I diagnose their colds and ear infections and have to be the meanie that orders the nurse to give their shots. We sit and have conversations about vaccines and the risks and benefits. I help you decide what is best for your child. I answer my page at 2 am when your son has croup and in the middle of my son's baseball game because your daughter has an ear infection. I watch your baby grow and develop.....
And then I notice something I don't like. I can't put my finger on it but it rings an alarm bell. Is this baby not looking at me as much? Is this 18 mo who still isn't saying anything just a late bloomer or is it a big concern? Your son has a big head...it raises a flag for me....I tell you he's just like my son...but I am still worried. I feel a knot I don't like or a cough that just doesn't sound right....or a murmur in the heart. I listen to your fears...and sometimes I don't see what you see, but sometimes I am seeing what you miss. It may be nothing, but it may be something. I wonder when to bring up the issues. Sometimes, I mention it and give you some "assignments" to work on before the next well child exam and see if it will self correct. Sometimes I do a referral....just to reassure myself nothing is wrong. Sometimes, I do the referral knowing what they will find. Then there are those times when I am sure something is wrong, but you don't want to hear it yet. Grandma said you were a late talker too. He is "just being a boy". How do I beg you to realize that your child has something when I am not even sure myself?
You take your children home with you...but so do I. I lie awake at night...wondering if your son's speech should have been referred. I second guess myself about whether to have given your daughter a steroid along with the antibiotic for the cough. Sometimes, I change my mind and call you and change the plan after I have thought about it. I care about your kids as much as you do because each and every one of them is mine.
I get the letter from the specialist and sometimes I feel grateful that you went or vindicated that I was right and you were wrong. Most of the time, I am relieved that my worries were for naught and it is not as bad as I was afraid of. But then there are the times it is bad news.....
I cry with you, sometimes over the phone or in person....mostly by myself. It hurts me to know what you are facing...because at that point I know even better than you what lies ahead. I pray it isn't as bad as they think....then....I get to work and figure out the best treatment possible. I make phone calls on your behalf, I look for specialist. Your child is never far from my mind and if I see something out and about or online or at a meeting that applies....I will let you know.
I celebrate each triumph, and each success....every milestone...but even more the ones that were hard to achieve or we were told would never be achieved. I am amazed by every birthday that goes by and how big your child is growing. I am proud when he learns to write his name...whether it is 3 or 13! I am impressed with your daughters dance moves....whether it is a ballet recital or just the fact that she can stand up to dance!
Sometimes, bad things happen. Accidents, illnesses that happen out of the blue. Diseases that just can't be overcome. I fight to the death for your child....but I can't save them all.....
And then I cry....and I still cry....because your child is always in my heart and I will never forget.
And then I notice something I don't like. I can't put my finger on it but it rings an alarm bell. Is this baby not looking at me as much? Is this 18 mo who still isn't saying anything just a late bloomer or is it a big concern? Your son has a big head...it raises a flag for me....I tell you he's just like my son...but I am still worried. I feel a knot I don't like or a cough that just doesn't sound right....or a murmur in the heart. I listen to your fears...and sometimes I don't see what you see, but sometimes I am seeing what you miss. It may be nothing, but it may be something. I wonder when to bring up the issues. Sometimes, I mention it and give you some "assignments" to work on before the next well child exam and see if it will self correct. Sometimes I do a referral....just to reassure myself nothing is wrong. Sometimes, I do the referral knowing what they will find. Then there are those times when I am sure something is wrong, but you don't want to hear it yet. Grandma said you were a late talker too. He is "just being a boy". How do I beg you to realize that your child has something when I am not even sure myself?
You take your children home with you...but so do I. I lie awake at night...wondering if your son's speech should have been referred. I second guess myself about whether to have given your daughter a steroid along with the antibiotic for the cough. Sometimes, I change my mind and call you and change the plan after I have thought about it. I care about your kids as much as you do because each and every one of them is mine.
I get the letter from the specialist and sometimes I feel grateful that you went or vindicated that I was right and you were wrong. Most of the time, I am relieved that my worries were for naught and it is not as bad as I was afraid of. But then there are the times it is bad news.....
I cry with you, sometimes over the phone or in person....mostly by myself. It hurts me to know what you are facing...because at that point I know even better than you what lies ahead. I pray it isn't as bad as they think....then....I get to work and figure out the best treatment possible. I make phone calls on your behalf, I look for specialist. Your child is never far from my mind and if I see something out and about or online or at a meeting that applies....I will let you know.
I celebrate each triumph, and each success....every milestone...but even more the ones that were hard to achieve or we were told would never be achieved. I am amazed by every birthday that goes by and how big your child is growing. I am proud when he learns to write his name...whether it is 3 or 13! I am impressed with your daughters dance moves....whether it is a ballet recital or just the fact that she can stand up to dance!
Sometimes, bad things happen. Accidents, illnesses that happen out of the blue. Diseases that just can't be overcome. I fight to the death for your child....but I can't save them all.....
And then I cry....and I still cry....because your child is always in my heart and I will never forget.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
No College for You!
So, Alex just quit going to school about 3 weeks ago. He went a week and a half "faking it". He would leave the house about the designated time and just drive around until class was over. He has now officially been administratively withdrawn. We are scratching our heads and trying to figure out a why? and a what now?
Why?
1) He was doing well...is he actually afraid of success?
2) Was he just going through the motions and when papers and mid-terms came up...he was unprepared and to avoid the confrontation just quit going to class?
3) Was getting his part time job at Hardee's that he started the day before he quit going to class too much?
4) Is he just not good at school?
5) Is he just a lazy SOB?
6) Is his video/computer addiction causing him to be unsuccessful?
7) Does he just not give a damn?
8) Do we put too much pressure on him?
9) All of the above
10) None of the above
What now?
That one is a bit easier...he has bills to pay now that he has chosen to be an adult and join the working world and not the student world.
We are actually easy on him....in exchange for room and board and cell phone and use of a car we pay for he...he pays $100/ week plus an extra $100/month for his car insurance. That is one hell of a deal, considering the way we keep our pantry stocked and the fact that once he starts paying regularly he can move out of the guest room and have his own bedroom and bathroom in the basement...almost a full apartment.
BUT THE KID WON'T GET OFF HIS ASS TO LOOK FOR A JOB WITH ENOUGH HOURS TO PAY HIS BILLS.
His job at Hardee's is only 3 days a week...about 18 hours at min wage. Perfect for a college student...$200 every 2 weeks for gas and spending money and a bit to save for next semesters books....but not enough to pay the above bills...much less what it would cost to live in real life!
Any suggestions appreciated!
Why?
1) He was doing well...is he actually afraid of success?
2) Was he just going through the motions and when papers and mid-terms came up...he was unprepared and to avoid the confrontation just quit going to class?
3) Was getting his part time job at Hardee's that he started the day before he quit going to class too much?
4) Is he just not good at school?
5) Is he just a lazy SOB?
6) Is his video/computer addiction causing him to be unsuccessful?
7) Does he just not give a damn?
8) Do we put too much pressure on him?
9) All of the above
10) None of the above
What now?
That one is a bit easier...he has bills to pay now that he has chosen to be an adult and join the working world and not the student world.
We are actually easy on him....in exchange for room and board and cell phone and use of a car we pay for he...he pays $100/ week plus an extra $100/month for his car insurance. That is one hell of a deal, considering the way we keep our pantry stocked and the fact that once he starts paying regularly he can move out of the guest room and have his own bedroom and bathroom in the basement...almost a full apartment.
BUT THE KID WON'T GET OFF HIS ASS TO LOOK FOR A JOB WITH ENOUGH HOURS TO PAY HIS BILLS.
His job at Hardee's is only 3 days a week...about 18 hours at min wage. Perfect for a college student...$200 every 2 weeks for gas and spending money and a bit to save for next semesters books....but not enough to pay the above bills...much less what it would cost to live in real life!
Any suggestions appreciated!
Friday, January 31, 2014
Autism is not an excuse not to parent.
Over Christmas, I had several parties at my house. On Christmas Eve, one side of the family was over...with their 10 year old (verbal, mildly delayed but regular classroom) ADHD/ASD son.
He grabbed some food (fried chicken) and put it on a plate and went and sat in the living room eating it with his bare hands. (it was a boneless skinless breast...for the southerners from Georgia where it is illegal to eat chicken with a fork...goggle it!)
My 3 dogs were all staring at him and he began to whine that they were getting to close to him. My husband told him that in the living room it was the dogs territory and that if he didn't want the dogs to bother him, he should get up and move to the table...10 feet away with wonderful sight lines all around....he wouldn't be missing anything!
He continued to whine, in the living room, until his mother (in her own whiny voice) asked us to please "deal with our dogs".
The next day, we cooked a big Christmas dinner and had another branch of the family over....along with their 10 yo (just beginning to be verbal, severely affected) ASD son.
You guessed it, he used the tongs to get some food and put it on a plate and went to sit in the living room on the couch.
Yep, all three dogs were staring at him, but he was ignoring them as well. (they are well trained not to take food from anyone as we are hoping to make the two youngest therapy dogs). Again, my husband told him that if he didn't want the dogs to bother him, he should move to the table.
HE got up and walked to the table, set his plate down and resumed eating.
AMAZING what great parenting can do....
AND as an aside....verbal or not, motor skills or not, self-stimming or not, eye contact or not....has NOTHING whatsoever to do with IQ or ability to understand and process information. I am blessed with the children in my life who have opened my eyes to the fact that lack of expression is not a lack of knowledge! (And some lack of knowledge is a parents fault for just not teaching!)
He grabbed some food (fried chicken) and put it on a plate and went and sat in the living room eating it with his bare hands. (it was a boneless skinless breast...for the southerners from Georgia where it is illegal to eat chicken with a fork...goggle it!)
My 3 dogs were all staring at him and he began to whine that they were getting to close to him. My husband told him that in the living room it was the dogs territory and that if he didn't want the dogs to bother him, he should get up and move to the table...10 feet away with wonderful sight lines all around....he wouldn't be missing anything!
He continued to whine, in the living room, until his mother (in her own whiny voice) asked us to please "deal with our dogs".
The next day, we cooked a big Christmas dinner and had another branch of the family over....along with their 10 yo (just beginning to be verbal, severely affected) ASD son.
You guessed it, he used the tongs to get some food and put it on a plate and went to sit in the living room on the couch.
Yep, all three dogs were staring at him, but he was ignoring them as well. (they are well trained not to take food from anyone as we are hoping to make the two youngest therapy dogs). Again, my husband told him that if he didn't want the dogs to bother him, he should move to the table.
HE got up and walked to the table, set his plate down and resumed eating.
AMAZING what great parenting can do....
AND as an aside....verbal or not, motor skills or not, self-stimming or not, eye contact or not....has NOTHING whatsoever to do with IQ or ability to understand and process information. I am blessed with the children in my life who have opened my eyes to the fact that lack of expression is not a lack of knowledge! (And some lack of knowledge is a parents fault for just not teaching!)
Monday, January 27, 2014
They may drive us batty but we love them, all the same!
I was at work today seeing a child who was actually in the office with an ear infection with his 3 1/2 mo baby brother who was there for vaccines. Mom initially declined vaccines because the baby was sick, but when I pointed out he was well on my exam, and already a month and a half late, she agreed. Grandma spoke up saying, "I don't hold with vaccines, they cause Autism. My grandson was perfectly fine till the day he got some shots and then the next day he had Autism." I tried to hold a reasonable discussion of the scientific literature, but grandma was adamant, "I seen it with my own eyes...but its her kid, she can do what she wants." She says, "That one there already has behavior problems (the three year old) but I don't care, I just take care of 'em."
I was so upset and ready to rant and rave on a blog today about stupid parents and grandparents who are uninformed and won't listen to reason when they drop this bombshell on me.
"I don't hold with his other grandma. I won't let her take care of 'em. She believes that the treatment for Autism is handcuffing 'em to a pole in the basement." "WHAT?" I say as tear begin to well in my eyes..."she isn't that lady from last year with that poor child in the basement for 4 months?" "Yes, she is!" the mother replies. "That was my husbands brother they locked up. My son (the three year old) was in the house with them at the time."
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/02/07/missouri-teen-allegedly-handcuffed-to-pole-in-parents-basement-for-months/
http://www.cnn.com/2013/02/06/us/missouri-teen-basement/index.html
Copy and paste the link to the horrific story.
I just don't know what to say....I am stunned and horrified. I knew this story happened and was so distressed when I heard, but it all just brings it back.
As frustrated as I get with my son, as exhausted as I see the parents in my practice....I can never imagine the kind of person who would do that to a child! Today, I am grateful my son has me as a parent...for no matter how much I screw up when raising him, he always has safety and security and love...and isn't that really all kids need?
I was so upset and ready to rant and rave on a blog today about stupid parents and grandparents who are uninformed and won't listen to reason when they drop this bombshell on me.
"I don't hold with his other grandma. I won't let her take care of 'em. She believes that the treatment for Autism is handcuffing 'em to a pole in the basement." "WHAT?" I say as tear begin to well in my eyes..."she isn't that lady from last year with that poor child in the basement for 4 months?" "Yes, she is!" the mother replies. "That was my husbands brother they locked up. My son (the three year old) was in the house with them at the time."
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/02/07/missouri-teen-allegedly-handcuffed-to-pole-in-parents-basement-for-months/
http://www.cnn.com/2013/02/06/us/missouri-teen-basement/index.html
Copy and paste the link to the horrific story.
I just don't know what to say....I am stunned and horrified. I knew this story happened and was so distressed when I heard, but it all just brings it back.
As frustrated as I get with my son, as exhausted as I see the parents in my practice....I can never imagine the kind of person who would do that to a child! Today, I am grateful my son has me as a parent...for no matter how much I screw up when raising him, he always has safety and security and love...and isn't that really all kids need?
The rest of the story
This is a continuation of the last two posts....I'll pick up in 11th grade.
Alex lost one of his very best friends in a car accident just about a month after diagnosis. It definitely rocked our little world. I will talk more on his coping another time. His grades from that quarter were awful, but we had an IEP finally. They gave him a word processor (he never used), frequent teacher follow through and communication with me. Some of his grades, like English, were the best ever and others, like Spanish...he barely passed.
Life was rocky at home to. I was relieved to finally have a diagnosis. Now, I could finally quit blaming myself for not "raising him right". My husband, his step-dad, I don't think bought into it though. He seemed to feel like it was just an excuse that Alex was using to get away with being whiny and lazy. Junior year went by quickly, and summer...with no car or license...and being gone to his dad's part of the time...didn't make sense for him to try and get a job. I knew he couldn't balance working and High School. He took his ACT in the spring of his junior year and got a 20 the first time. He admitted he didn't even do the reading section...1/4th of the test because his friends had told him it was "hard"...and he ran to see us in a wrestling tournament in the same building as the test and got back late and was short of time. He took it again over the summer and got a 25...whew. That was the magic number we needed.
Alex picked out his college, Spring of his junior year. Ok...so I picked out his college and he said "fine". It is a small private college, where class sizes are anywhere from 5-30 people and the graduating class is about 250/year. A much smaller school than the mega-High School he had gone to. He love the campus tour...and the fact that part of the campus was underground and had caves that "smelled right" to him. He liked the dorm rooms and the plan was for him to live on campus. He intially was going for a psychology major, but has since changed to Elementary Education.
Senior year was rough. First semester seemed to go ok. His grades were adequate. Second semester, he got a bit of senioritis. For the first time, he had two guy friends he would go walk around the mall with or hang out with. They both had cars, so he was beginning to see that getting a license was a good thing. He got his learners permit. We took him on a cruise for spring break for his senior trip. Just him! We left the two younger boys at home because they weren't an adult yet. He turned 18 and got a tattoo. (Which he payed for with his birthday and grade money!) I thought things were finally going his way, until the car ride to Texas...when he finally admitted that he had not done the 6-8 page paper that was due in English while we were gone and would be flunking English (which is, of course, required for graduation!) He also didn't take his pill that morning....so a lot of arguing and yelling happened (mostly by me) in that 10 hours of being locked up in a car together. I threatened to send him to his dad if he didn't graduate....his dad threatened him, via phone, and told him he would not be welcome there. We found a computer at the hotel in Texas and he whipped out an 8 page paper in about 3 hours, complete with sources. I don't remember what it was about but it was decent. Off on vacation we go! We come home to an F on the paper anyway. His teacher wrote that it was a really good rough draft, and had it been turned in as such, she could have helped him over the three revisions to make it a potentially A paper...but it was only a first draft...grr! So, here he is in March failing English...and numerically not enough points in the rest of the year to bring it up. Well, low and behold, a new assignment comes up (apparently my son was not the only kid in the class in that situation and it doesn't look good for a school to fail a bunch of AP/honors English Lit kids). The teacher was nice enough to meet Alex every day and help him get it right....and I reminded him every day to go. He got an A on that assignment! Go figure, I think the teacher basically wrote it for him. 3 days before he is due to walk across the stage, we find out he is indeed graduating.
After graduation, he was to start looking for a job....and take drivers ed and start driving. We have lots of places in walking distance he could apply at and way more in biking distance. He would say he was going and applying, but unfortunately, his dad gave him a laptop for graduation and we all know what happens when a spectrum kid gets a new electronic toy! Finally, his dad decides in mid-June to have him come stay with him for 6 weeks to quote...and I really quote..."Teach him all the things that he needs to know to be a man that my husband and I failed to do for the last 18 years". Of the three weeks he was there without his little brother, his dad was away on vacation for 2. Yep, son, that's how you be a real man...you dump your responsibilities on other people. Alex came home in early August...having earned $700 for doing jobs for his dad, like laundry and dishes and yard work. I had thought his dad had found him a summer job on the campus where he worked or I am not sure I would have let him go.
August was a blur. Alex passed his driving test on the first attempt and we bought him a car. He packed up his stuff to move to the dorm. (we had already moved his brother into his room). I helped him find a job at a local restaurant that my co-workers daughter worked at. He was all payed up for college, and even managed to keep his scholarship for half of his tuition. We went to the parent meeting and dropped his stuff off. We went to buy books...I told him where to go to finish his student loan paperwork and sign up for a mentor, and he said he would the next day. The parents were escorted off campus and told to leave our baby birds in good hands! Alex almost instantly bonded with some of the kids in his room and hall. He was doing well at work and liked all but one of his classes. They were "easy" he said compared to his HS courses. (NO ENGLISH...lol) He was going to help with the play. He planned to come home every weekend to eat but that fell through because he was so busy.
December, I found out it was all lies. I called him at the start of finals week and said, "You know they will mail me your grades, so you had better tell me the truth". He broke down and had a 4 hour session where he admitted to my husband, and not to me, that he was suicidal. He had been kicked out of all but 2 classes, and one of those he had failed. He got a B in theatre though...apparently that was the only class he still attempted to attend. He had been fired from his job over a month ago. He would just sit in his dorm room all day. His friends and the RA's had no idea. We got him in to the psychiatrist, but she felt it was just because of the situation and opted not to hospitalize him. We met with Jeannie, the AS specialist, who reassured me that worse things have happened...and even NT kiddos flunk out their freshman year. We met with the school, and figured out he would be allowed to enroll again. I went with him to sign up for a school mentor, which he should have had all along. She meets with him weekly to set his schedule and will monitor his attendance and grade and call me if there are issue. He isn't thrilled with the classes this semester, but since he didn't register till the last minute there weren't any choices. The guy next door has been mentoring him since early this month on job training skills and interview skills and had gone with him to apply at over 20 jobs but he still hasn't found one. I finally took his computer away, until he gets a job, unless he needs it for school. He has been working hard around the house and dipped into all of his Christmas money to pay for gas. He has perfect attendance at school...but it is just week three. He is spending some time with his friends, some time looking for a job, some time doing homework (supposedly) and some time at home...a good balance!
So...we are up to day....onward and upward....
Alex lost one of his very best friends in a car accident just about a month after diagnosis. It definitely rocked our little world. I will talk more on his coping another time. His grades from that quarter were awful, but we had an IEP finally. They gave him a word processor (he never used), frequent teacher follow through and communication with me. Some of his grades, like English, were the best ever and others, like Spanish...he barely passed.
Life was rocky at home to. I was relieved to finally have a diagnosis. Now, I could finally quit blaming myself for not "raising him right". My husband, his step-dad, I don't think bought into it though. He seemed to feel like it was just an excuse that Alex was using to get away with being whiny and lazy. Junior year went by quickly, and summer...with no car or license...and being gone to his dad's part of the time...didn't make sense for him to try and get a job. I knew he couldn't balance working and High School. He took his ACT in the spring of his junior year and got a 20 the first time. He admitted he didn't even do the reading section...1/4th of the test because his friends had told him it was "hard"...and he ran to see us in a wrestling tournament in the same building as the test and got back late and was short of time. He took it again over the summer and got a 25...whew. That was the magic number we needed.
Alex picked out his college, Spring of his junior year. Ok...so I picked out his college and he said "fine". It is a small private college, where class sizes are anywhere from 5-30 people and the graduating class is about 250/year. A much smaller school than the mega-High School he had gone to. He love the campus tour...and the fact that part of the campus was underground and had caves that "smelled right" to him. He liked the dorm rooms and the plan was for him to live on campus. He intially was going for a psychology major, but has since changed to Elementary Education.
Senior year was rough. First semester seemed to go ok. His grades were adequate. Second semester, he got a bit of senioritis. For the first time, he had two guy friends he would go walk around the mall with or hang out with. They both had cars, so he was beginning to see that getting a license was a good thing. He got his learners permit. We took him on a cruise for spring break for his senior trip. Just him! We left the two younger boys at home because they weren't an adult yet. He turned 18 and got a tattoo. (Which he payed for with his birthday and grade money!) I thought things were finally going his way, until the car ride to Texas...when he finally admitted that he had not done the 6-8 page paper that was due in English while we were gone and would be flunking English (which is, of course, required for graduation!) He also didn't take his pill that morning....so a lot of arguing and yelling happened (mostly by me) in that 10 hours of being locked up in a car together. I threatened to send him to his dad if he didn't graduate....his dad threatened him, via phone, and told him he would not be welcome there. We found a computer at the hotel in Texas and he whipped out an 8 page paper in about 3 hours, complete with sources. I don't remember what it was about but it was decent. Off on vacation we go! We come home to an F on the paper anyway. His teacher wrote that it was a really good rough draft, and had it been turned in as such, she could have helped him over the three revisions to make it a potentially A paper...but it was only a first draft...grr! So, here he is in March failing English...and numerically not enough points in the rest of the year to bring it up. Well, low and behold, a new assignment comes up (apparently my son was not the only kid in the class in that situation and it doesn't look good for a school to fail a bunch of AP/honors English Lit kids). The teacher was nice enough to meet Alex every day and help him get it right....and I reminded him every day to go. He got an A on that assignment! Go figure, I think the teacher basically wrote it for him. 3 days before he is due to walk across the stage, we find out he is indeed graduating.
After graduation, he was to start looking for a job....and take drivers ed and start driving. We have lots of places in walking distance he could apply at and way more in biking distance. He would say he was going and applying, but unfortunately, his dad gave him a laptop for graduation and we all know what happens when a spectrum kid gets a new electronic toy! Finally, his dad decides in mid-June to have him come stay with him for 6 weeks to quote...and I really quote..."Teach him all the things that he needs to know to be a man that my husband and I failed to do for the last 18 years". Of the three weeks he was there without his little brother, his dad was away on vacation for 2. Yep, son, that's how you be a real man...you dump your responsibilities on other people. Alex came home in early August...having earned $700 for doing jobs for his dad, like laundry and dishes and yard work. I had thought his dad had found him a summer job on the campus where he worked or I am not sure I would have let him go.
August was a blur. Alex passed his driving test on the first attempt and we bought him a car. He packed up his stuff to move to the dorm. (we had already moved his brother into his room). I helped him find a job at a local restaurant that my co-workers daughter worked at. He was all payed up for college, and even managed to keep his scholarship for half of his tuition. We went to the parent meeting and dropped his stuff off. We went to buy books...I told him where to go to finish his student loan paperwork and sign up for a mentor, and he said he would the next day. The parents were escorted off campus and told to leave our baby birds in good hands! Alex almost instantly bonded with some of the kids in his room and hall. He was doing well at work and liked all but one of his classes. They were "easy" he said compared to his HS courses. (NO ENGLISH...lol) He was going to help with the play. He planned to come home every weekend to eat but that fell through because he was so busy.
December, I found out it was all lies. I called him at the start of finals week and said, "You know they will mail me your grades, so you had better tell me the truth". He broke down and had a 4 hour session where he admitted to my husband, and not to me, that he was suicidal. He had been kicked out of all but 2 classes, and one of those he had failed. He got a B in theatre though...apparently that was the only class he still attempted to attend. He had been fired from his job over a month ago. He would just sit in his dorm room all day. His friends and the RA's had no idea. We got him in to the psychiatrist, but she felt it was just because of the situation and opted not to hospitalize him. We met with Jeannie, the AS specialist, who reassured me that worse things have happened...and even NT kiddos flunk out their freshman year. We met with the school, and figured out he would be allowed to enroll again. I went with him to sign up for a school mentor, which he should have had all along. She meets with him weekly to set his schedule and will monitor his attendance and grade and call me if there are issue. He isn't thrilled with the classes this semester, but since he didn't register till the last minute there weren't any choices. The guy next door has been mentoring him since early this month on job training skills and interview skills and had gone with him to apply at over 20 jobs but he still hasn't found one. I finally took his computer away, until he gets a job, unless he needs it for school. He has been working hard around the house and dipped into all of his Christmas money to pay for gas. He has perfect attendance at school...but it is just week three. He is spending some time with his friends, some time looking for a job, some time doing homework (supposedly) and some time at home...a good balance!
So...we are up to day....onward and upward....
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