The View From Your Doctors Eyes....

I am your child's pediatrician. I am also a mom. I know what it is like to hold your newborn in your arms...and now I am watching you with your new beautiful boy or girl. Yes, I admit...some babies are cuter than others....if I tell you your baby is the cutest one in the nursery...I mean it. I will always look for something to compliment. Every baby is special and unique and they need to be told that from the beginning. I watch you learn how to change a diaper and struggle with nursing. I hug you when breast feeding isn't working and convince you that those people that say your baby won't grow or develop well on formula are lying. I diagnose their colds and ear infections and have to be the meanie that orders the nurse to give their shots. We sit and have conversations about vaccines and the risks and benefits. I help you decide what is best for your child. I answer my page at 2 am when your son has croup and in the middle of my son's baseball game because your daughter has an ear infection. I watch your baby grow and develop.....

And then I notice something I don't like. I can't put my finger on it but it rings an alarm bell. Is this baby not looking at me as much? Is this 18 mo who still isn't saying anything just a late bloomer or is it a big concern? Your son has a big head...it raises a flag for me....I tell you he's just like my son...but I am still worried. I feel a knot I don't like or a cough that just doesn't sound right....or a murmur in the heart. I listen to your fears...and sometimes I don't see what you see, but sometimes I am seeing what you miss. It may be nothing, but it may be something. I wonder when to bring up the issues. Sometimes, I mention it and give you some "assignments" to work on before the next well child exam and see if it will self correct. Sometimes I do a referral....just to reassure myself nothing is wrong. Sometimes, I do the referral knowing what they will find. Then there are those times when I am sure something is wrong, but you don't want to hear it yet. Grandma said you were a late talker too. He is "just being a boy". How do I beg you to realize that your child has something when I am not even sure myself?

You take your children home with you...but so do I. I lie awake at night...wondering if your son's speech should have been referred. I second guess myself about whether to have given your daughter a steroid along with the antibiotic for the cough. Sometimes, I change my mind and call you and change the plan after I have thought about it. I care about your kids as much as you do because each and every one of them is mine.

I get the letter from the specialist and sometimes I feel grateful that you went or vindicated that I was right and you were wrong. Most of the time, I am relieved that my worries were for naught and it is not as bad as I was afraid of. But then there are the times it is bad news.....

I cry with you, sometimes over the phone or in person....mostly by myself.  It hurts me to know what you are facing...because at that point I know even better than you what lies ahead. I pray it isn't as bad as they think....then....I get to work and figure out the best treatment possible. I make phone calls on your behalf, I look for specialist. Your child is never far from my mind and if I see something out and about or online or at a meeting that applies....I will let you know.

I celebrate each triumph, and each success....every milestone...but even more the ones that were hard to achieve or we were told would never be achieved. I am amazed by every birthday that goes by and how big your child is growing. I am proud when he learns to write his name...whether it is 3 or 13! I am impressed with your daughters dance moves....whether it is a ballet recital or just the fact that she can stand up to dance!

Sometimes, bad things happen. Accidents, illnesses that happen out of the blue. Diseases that just can't be overcome. I fight to the death for your child....but I can't save them all.....

And then I cry....and I still cry....because your child is always in my heart and I will never forget.